Santa in the Steam Room

I have been perennially plagued by an overwhelming lack of assertiveness. There have been times when I came home with sandwiches that I didn't want, because I didn't speak up to the employee adding onions. Raw onions taste like arm pits, and should not be fooled around with. There have been many instances when I was too timid to say "hi" to a girl I found even mildly attractive.

People throughout my 29 years have tried to break me away from my inability to properly assert myself. People have also asserted themselves on me, in sometimes odd ways. Every once in a while, someone will come along and talk me in to tackling a good friend on a Michigan beach when he isn't looking, or convince me to try out for a marching band I felt I was grossly inadequate to play in. To my friends and family; I will be forever thankful for you helping me break through my self-imposed barriers.

Last night, as I was exiting the sauna after a swim, I ran into many childrens' favorite holiday mascot. My initial reaction was "holy shit, he IS real". Just below the top of his bald head began a long and glamorous full white beard. He was as portly as a short U-Haul rental truck, and topped the whole look off with a bright red swimsuit. Upon entering the gym, I didn't notice any unusually new sleighs with wildlife attached. But as I left, I swore I heard bells on the roof.

Usually, I would have just said a polite "excuse me", and headed into the locker room. Yesterday, however, was different. Instead of a common pleasantry, I asked "ready for the holidays?". He gave me a knowing nod, and proceeded to cool off in the pool. I chuckled at myself in mild shock and amusement. Maybe Santa in the steam room is a sign of things to come. More to follow as things progress.